Lame Job Titles / Professions

Doctor, Lawyer, Police Officer, College Professor: What do these professions have in common? These are job titles that accurately describe what said person does for a living. A doctor deals with patients and helps manage illness and disease. A lawyer is well versed in the law and litigates on behalf of their clients. Police officers serve and protect; investigating crimes and prosecuting offenders. Professors are distinguished scholars of their respective fields, and capable teachers in a post-secondary setting.

Long story short, their roles are clearly defined by their titles. But then there are other roles and titles that I deem to be complete bullshit. Two professions that come to mind are "flight attendant" and "executive assistant". No offense, but I don't see where the negative connotation lies in "stewardess". I can understand if you're a guy not wanting to be called a "stewardess" because it is a female title, but if you're a male flight attendant, you need to stick your testicles in a jar and throw it away or get a man's job like butcher or taxidermist.

And if you're a female that gets offended when I call you "stewardess", don't worry, I can do worse, you sky hooker. And "executive assistant", WOW don't you feel important. You're not an executive assistant. You're a secretary to a wealthy man who makes at least 10 times what you do. Oh, you scheduled a lunch meeting for them? Congratulations, you're fucking important.

Now, lets dig into some horrendously bullshit titles: Starbucks Barista and Subway Sandwich Artist.

Barista? Go choke on your smug title. You're a fucking coffee maker, a Starbucks minimum-wage 15-hour-a-week coffee maker. And how about a Sandwich Artist. Talk about living in a delusional candyland. Da Vinci, Van Gogh, Picasso, these are artists. All you do is make my sandwich, bitch, and you better do it with a smile on your face.

So all these bullshit titles got me thinking, can any job be candy-coated to sound more important than it really is? Lets consider a few examples.How about garbage man, also known as a Waste Management Officer. Or how about cashier, also known as a Retail Sales Associate. Or what about a bank teller, shit we can call them Funds Management Specialists.

I mean, hell, you can do it for anything. Prostitute? Personal Pleasure Consultant. Pretentious job titles don't make you sound more important, they make you sound like a douchebag.